Day 50: Noise Disturbance and the Shirtless Neighbor

Every apartment complex has those neighbors. The ones who play deafeningly loud music instead of sleeping and whose visitors always monopolize the communal parking spaces. On Wednesday evening, I was preparing dinner at N’s apartment. He lives beachside and, like most ocean housing, open windows and sea breezes make up for the lack of central A/C. I was in the midst of dicing onions while the scent of Italian-spiced chicken wafted in the background, when my serene Julia Childs moment was interrupted by a gruff voice.

Esscuse me,” he said, in a thick Eastern European accent.

Peering out of the kitchen window, I came face to face with a bald middle-aged man staring me down from his apartment next door. N, nearby at his computer desk, also paused in response to this unexpected third party. I should also mention that the man was shirtless. Covered in a burly forest of chest hair, his pudgy, bulbous figure gleamed beneath the moonlight. From my vantage point, I could only view his head and torso. I don’t even want to imagine the possibilities of what could have been happening from the waist down.

When yooh two are making luhve, can yooh please close the weendows?” he remarked. “Everyone can hear you. I’m seerious guys.”

The color drained from my face (and probably N’s as well). Admittedly, I tend to be on the more vocal side in the bedroom. But ladies I can assure you, if N was your lover, you’d have difficulty keeping quiet too. Embarrassed by this man’s simple request, my mind began to race. N did have two large (open) windows hovering right above his bed. And, the apartment complex next door was only a few arm’s lengths away. How many nights had we kept N’s helpless neighbors awake? How long have they been boiling with resentment over our lack of common courtesy?

N quickly apologized to the European man across the way and promised that there wouldn’t be any future noise disturbances. Seemingly satisfied, the half-nude man huffed at us and drew his blinds closed. N and I looked at each other for a moment, silent and in equal acknowledgment of our carelessness. Red-faced, I returned to my onion chopping duties and resumed dinner preparation. Did that just really happen? I came to a stark realization that evening. It’s true that every apartment complex has those neighbors. And we were them.

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10 thoughts on “Day 50: Noise Disturbance and the Shirtless Neighbor

  1. This is hilarious! And so brilliantly told! 🙂

  2. I’m so sorry for your embarrassing moment with the neighbor! But I have to admit, I laughed. 🙂 I think I also would have laughed if I was in your shoes. The moment was just too unusual. I only thought something like that happened in romantic comedies. lol I think you two should be proud that you kept people up. I know I would be. 😉

  3. irishkatie says:

    OMG … I would have been mortified if someone told me they could hear … or rather, if they were my neighbors or someone I knew! Ack! lol.

    Still … it has happened to me as well (others hearing) … but it would have been because of vacations or some such thing in places where privacy was not as available (and where I am sure I didn’t know anyone.)

    As for being “those” type of neighbors … at least you were not keeping them up all night right? Or if you were … then I am sooooooooooooo jealous! lol.

    • Katie – I was totally mortified and I’m sure it had been going on for some time. Since this happened though, N and I have been especially conscious of our volume level. Here’s to hoping we don’t have to engage in any more window-to-window conversations with the shirtless neighbor.

      – K.

  4. Great story–I can relate. Unfortunately, this has occurred more than once in my lifetime. I’m now a little paranoid!

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