Day 5: Gold, Sand, and OKCupid

Online dating is ingenious. A quick computer scan reveals the basic background and personality of a complete stranger. Beat that, random coffee talk at Starbucks. Today I took the plunge, head first, eyes closed, into the murky waters of OKCupid. Instead of answering the standard profile questions, I opted to write a brief, slightly tongue-in-cheek story of my life (prologue included). This is, of course, part of my calculated filtering process. If a man reads my profile and proceeds to message me, I’ll already know he’s semi-awesome because he appreciates witty banter and finds my writing prowess attractive. Either that, or he just thinks I look hot in my pictures. Hm, I may need to re-evaluate this approach.

After creating my profile, hesitation slowly crept in as I thought about re-entering the dating world. With N, I was completely comfortable and able to be myself at all times. Our similarities and mutual trust allowed me to freely enact every facet of my personality (yes, I geek out on occasion). The mere thought of a first date and having to “present” myself to someone who knows nothing about me makes me want to jump ship. Can’t I just go back to enjoying sake with N while we analyze life and talk nerdy to each other? Problem two: I’m selective and I don’t believe in settling. I’m looking for an equal counterpart: intelligent, career-oriented, fit/attractive, slightly geeky and extremely social (the hardest characteristic of the combination to find). In other words, I know that I have the arduous task of sifting through the sand to find gold.

At some point, I realized I had to get over these mental hurdles and be, as they say, up for the challenge. My first day on OKCupid garnered 36 incoming messages, which, on the surface, sounds exciting. However, there were only two potential suitors that showed glimmers of promise. Two out of 36, equaling a frightening 0.06 success rate (and that’s rounding up). The good news is, I’m geniunely not looking to date right away. Activating my OKCupid profile was just my way of moving forward. Starting over feels scary. Intimidating. Slightly impossible even. But I know that I thrive when I’m in a healthy relationship, and putting myself out there is the first step. Just now, I received a new OKCupid message. Is it gold or sand? My bet is on the latter.

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8 thoughts on “Day 5: Gold, Sand, and OKCupid

  1. Good luck. I have terrible luck with any kind of online dating service. Which is surprising (to me) since my real life dating luck is worse.

    • I’m optimistic about OKCupid because I’ve had a positive (and short-lived) experience with it in the past. In January, I had been on the site for excactly five days when I received my first message from N. The rest is history.

      I hope this time around is just as easy. Sorry to hear about your terrible luck! Just remember: sand. Lots of sand.

      – K.

  2. Great post!

    I have a friend who is similarly selective and unprepared to settled. He signed up to one of Ok Cupid’s competitors and spent hours sifting through 1200 profiles and could only find a mere 8 worth pursuing.

    Surely the most likely place to find an intelligent, career-oriented, fit/attractive, slightly geeky and extremely social person will be amongst your friends’ friends?

    • Thanks, Patrick. I don’t know if reading about your friend’s plight makes me feel better or worse ;).

      I agree that you need to make yourself available to meet new people through various avenues. I’ve never been set up by one of my friends, but I’m definitely open to the idea.

      – K.

  3. 36 messages in 1 day! That makes me want to cry – I go weeks (sometimes longer) in between single messages on

    • Don’t be too jealous. While there were a few genuine, interesting messages, most of them consisted of charming one-liners such as “Hey hun, let’s meet up” and (my personal favorite) “Love Asian girls.”

      – K.

  4. […] dates scheduled with men who contacted me through OKCupid. Believe it or not, both men meet my semi-ridiculous standards, but I’ll describe them in more detail later. I’m meeting Z over dinner at a swanky […]


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