Day 290: Completion and Three Little Words

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N and I laid in bed, allowing the quiet desert setting to envelop us. Thankfully, our silly vodka-induced argument had passed. He slowly turned to me. “You know, the reason I get so upset and protective is because I love you so much,” N confessed, words still slightly slurred.

It was the first time that N had ever told me that he loved me. It wasn’t a huge revelation (we had been dating for over a year, after all), but I had never actually heard him utter those words aloud. Now they suddenly hung in the air, suspended.

He continued to speak. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, ever since your birthday trip in Palm Springs.” He paused, as if trying to recall a deeply buried memory. “And it feels really weird not to say it when you leave on the weekends.” 

I thought back to that magical Palm Springs getaway when we were enclosed on our private balcony, fingers intertwined, staring up at the stars. N was right about the weekends too. Every Sunday when it came time to part ways, he’d walk me to my car. Although we’d kiss and embrace, it always felt like something was missing. Like our goodbye was incomplete. Now he peered at me, anticipating my response.

“Did you think I wouldn’t say it back?” I inquired gently.

“No, I knew you would,” he replied. “I was just…scared.” His voice trailed off on the last word, but instinctively I knew what he meant. Those three little words held weight. When it comes to relationships, N is careful. Hesitant even. This admission would signal that the two of us had reached a new, deeper level.

After taking it all in, I finally asked, “Well, are you still scared?”

“No,” he responded confidently. “I love you.”

Without hesitation, the words that had always been there, waiting, fell from my lips.

“I love you, too.”     

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Day 176: Confidence Builders and A New Start Up

bulb copyI’ve never been much of an entrepreneur. Don’t get me wrong, I’m highly driven and creative but I prefer a cushy job at a large corporation over the thrills (and challenges) of working in a start up environment. Last weekend in the dead middle of night, I was suddenly struck with an idea. I dreamt up an unconvential blog-based business that combines three of my long-time passions: beauty, fashion, and writing.

Immediately I messaged N and shared the details of my proposed business. He was very supportive, encouraging me to think through the strategy and bring my vision to life. To launch this project, there would be a hefty amount of technical work required, but N offered to walk me through it when the time came. The web-tech area isn’t my forte and the mere thought of purchasing a domain, constructing a website and configuring the back-end was intimidating. After we concluded our impromptu late night conversation, I couldn’t fall asleep. The wheels in my head were spinning. Ideas were brewing. In other words, my mind was on fire.

The next day, I was amped to start laying the foundation for my new venture. But step one involved my least favorite activity: the tech set up. I braced myself and prepared to call N so he could explain the online purchasing process. That’s when the email arrived – the email confirming my recently aquired business domain name and accompanying email address. To my surprise, everything had already been linked to a server and set up for me. All I needed to do was log in! Realizing this was important to me, N went ahead and completed the tech set without me even having to ask.  Most boyfriends give their significant others flowers and chocolates. Mine gave me my first website, and the vote of confidence to start thinking like an entrepreneur.

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Day 165: Magical Maine and An Unconventional New Years Eve

snow-stormMaine turned out to be exactly what I’ve always envisioned when I picture a white Christmas. Peering outside, I was mesmerized by the frosty snow-lined roads and towering trees. It was a scene straight from a postcard. N’s parents’ home is gorgeous – the downstairs a maze of antique-filled rooms and the upstairs a compilation of bedrooms with sweeping windows that frame the snowy landscape.

After spending time with his family, I could see how each person helped mold N into the man he is today. He got his love of adventure and his risk-taking nature from his Dad. N’s deep appreciation for thoughtful gestures and nurturing women is a result of his Mom. All of the pieces fell into place, slowly revealing N’s story. My favorite memories from the trip include a tranquil night time hike in the forest where snow rained from the sky like confetti. Playing board games in the library while the glowing fireplace roared in the background. Dining on some of the freshest seafood I’ve ever tasted at one of the town’s oldest restaurants. But best of all, I was able to establish a positive relationship with N’s family, who he cares so much about.

Soon it was December 31 and N and I awoke at 3:30 AM for our trip home. The journey involved an early morning bus ride from Maine to Boston and a two hour flight delay. Knowing we’d be jet lagged, we didn’t make big New Years eve plans for the night. We arrived home with just enough time to shower before dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant – the one where we shared our first real date. Afterward, we laid in bed watching a movie and total exhaustion set in. N leaned over and gave me a kiss as my eyelids fell. The clock struck 9:30 PM. Elsewhere, women were slipping into shiny cocktail dresses and bottles of wine were being uncorked. While the rest of Los Angeles was just beginning their New Years eve celebrations, N and I were already sound asleep.

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